Striking the Right Balance: How Much Should You Really Share at Work?

After my last article, Beyond Titles: Defining Your Personal Brand, I received a thought-provoking question: How much should you share? While oversharing can damage your career, under-sharing can limit your professional growth. Striking the right balance requires intention, self-awareness and practice.

When done right, strategic sharing can be a powerful tool for managing your personal brand. It shapes your professional identity and influences how colleagues perceive you, potentially creating new opportunities. Mastering the art of strategic sharing helps you navigate the delicate balance between oversharing and under-sharing, ultimately strengthening your brand and advancing your career.

Defining Oversharing and Under-sharing

Linguist Karen Stollznow defines oversharing as providing too much personal information beyond what is considered appropriate or necessary. An oversharer might disclose details such as their exact salary, digestion issues, intimate details of their personal life, or early childhood trauma. Cheryl Hanson, a district manager with Insperity, notes that “oversharing at work can undermine professionalism, contribute to burnout, and even make some employees feel uncomfortable.”

Conversely, under-sharing occurs when individuals withhold personal information to the extent that it hinders trust-building with colleagues. Adam Grant, a professor at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, highlights this dilemma: “If you don’t ever share anything beyond your work life, you might find it difficult to build trusting relationships with your colleagues, which you typically need to grow your career.”

Under-sharing can make you seem disengaged, uninterested, overly private, or unapproachable. Sometimes, it can also create the perception that you lack transparency or team spirit, which may hinder your chances of being considered for leadership roles or key projects.

My Personal Experience with Oversharing and Under-sharing

Early in my career, I struggled to find the right balance between oversharing and under-sharing. In this position, my manager established a “buddying up” culture with his employees, where oversharing was the norm. I often felt like a fish caught in a trawling net — torn between fitting in and maintaining healthy boundaries with my manager and colleagues.

Monday mornings were particularly uncomfortable. A couple of my young male coworkers often gathered at the cubicle beside mine to swap stories of their weekend conquests. A coworker and I — both reserved about our personal lives — were excluded from these conversations. Over time, we noticed we were left out of weekend outings with this manager and our more socially engaged coworkers. At the time, we didn’t realize that coveted projects and career-boosting opportunities were often discussed and assigned during these informal social gatherings, before being officially announced.

This experience taught me that sharing isn’t just social currency — it can impact professional advancement. However, simply oversharing to be included wouldn’t have been the right approach either. Instead, I learned to selectively participate in work-related discussions and share insights or personal anecdotes aligned with my professional goals.

Striking the Right Balance

Adam Grant suggests that balancing oversharing and under-sharing requires self-awareness and professional discretion. Professional discretion involves making thoughtful, informed decisions about what and when to share, keeping in mind the potential impact on your relationships and professional goals. He advises, “Stick to relevant, work-related conversation topics and sprinkle in some light, personal levity when necessary.” Similarly, former CVS Health CEO Karen Lynch recommends sharing only what directly helps solve a problem or fosters a connection. “If it doesn’t meet either of those criteria, don’t bring it up.”

In an interview with Daniel Roth for LinkedIn’s This is Working video series, Lynch elaborated on when employees and leaders should show vulnerability in the workplace. “You’re not going to share, ‘I got into a fight with my husband last night,’ but there’s a fine line,” she explained. “I’m not saying go share everything, but vulnerability is part of being an authentic leader.”

Strategic Sharing: A Framework for Deciding What and When to Share

Sharing can enhance your influence and build trust when done thoughtfully. Leaders can inspire others and drive momentum toward their vision, while employees can foster meaningful relationships and connections. To determine whether and how much to share, I consider three key factors:

My goals: What am I trying to achieve? Will sharing this information bring me closer to that goal?
My audience: Will this audience find value in what I share? Will it make an impact or serve my purpose?
My environment: Is this the right setting for sharing? Will it support my objective?

A compelling example of strategic sharing comes from Karen Lynch, then president of Aetna. During a town hall meeting with more than 50,000 employees, she shared a deeply personal story: her mother died by suicide when she was 12. Though she hadn’t planned to disclose this information, she recognized in the moment that it was essential to inspire belief in her vision.

“I can put myself right in that,” Lynch said. “Standing on stage and talking about our strategy and talking about the importance of changing the landscape of healthcare. I stood there and said, as a leader, you aren’t going to get people to follow you if you’re not authentic and real. And in that moment, I said, ‘I have to share my story’ — and it was hard.”

Before that speech, she had only shared this story with her husband, who had consistently encouraged her to speak about it. As a leader at a healthcare company focused on mental and physical health, her personal experience resonated deeply. Lynch’s courageous decision reflects Simon Sinek’s philosophy: “People don’t buy what you do; they buy why you do it.”

Striking the Right Balance and Long-Term Impact

Finding the balance between oversharing and under-sharing is an ongoing challenge, but it’s a journey that gets easier with practice. Strategic sharing is not about revealing everything, but understanding when a personal story or insight can build trust, influence others or serve your professional goals. Remember, it’s okay to learn and adjust along the way.

By considering context, audience and goals, you can make more intentional, thoughtful choices about what and when to share. Strategic sharing can strengthen workplace relationships, enhance reputation, and open new opportunities. Over time, mastering this skill can have a profound impact on your career growth and leadership potential.