Early in my career, I faced a challenge that’s all too common in our professional journeys — a coworker in a leadership role who had no filter. He’d casually badmouth his boss, spill the beans on his direct reports’ personal lives, and overshare his own personal dramas. What started as just a source of daily annoyance gradually snowballed and created palpable tension whenever he entered the room. Everyone’s guards came up, as we never knew what would come out of his mouth. As someone lower on the totem pole, I was stumped on how to navigate this minefield without suffering significant professional fallout.
Many of us grapple with similar situations, torn between the urge to uphold a professional environment and the fear of rocking the boat. This becomes especially tricky when the person crossing the line is the one in charge. So, how do we steer through these choppy waters? Here’s a toolkit for handling those blurry lines of workplace behavior and boundaries.
Recognizing the Red Flags
It’s important to first identify what constitutes boundary-crossing in the workplace. This could be anything from unnecessary gossip, oversharing personal details, to more serious forms of workplace microaggression and harassment. Recognizing trending behaviors is the first step. We all have moments when we lose our temper, are flippant, or word vomit when overwhelmed. Hopefully we can show each other grace and do better. However, a repetition of such behavior suggests a lacking of understanding or disregard for boundaries. This could include habits such as:
- Repeated negative comments about colleagues or superiors.
- Frequent oversharing of personal issues inappropriately.
- Continuous disrespect towards company policies or individuals.
Setting the Tone: Communication is Key
When a colleague steps over the line, a direct yet diplomatic approach is often the best first step. It’s about striking the right balance — being firm in your stance but also open to the possibility that the transgressor might be unaware of the impact of their behavior. Remember, the goal is not to confront, but to communicate. Here are some options to try:
- If a colleague makes an inappropriate comment, respond with, “That’s un Let’s keep our conversation professional.”
- Encourage open discussions about what constitutes appropriate behavior in team meetings.
- Lead by example; demonstrate respect and professionalism in all interactions.
Document, Don’t Ignore
Ignoring the problem won’t make it go away. In fact, it’s crucial to document incidents of inappropriate behavior. This isn’t about keeping a ledger of grievances, but rather about having a clear record if the situation escalates and requires formal intervention. To do this, you should:
- Keep a log of dates, times and descriptions of incidents. It’s important to try to document the incident as soon as it occurs and to use direct quotes whenever possible.
- Note any witnesses and the context in which the behavior occurred.
- Save any relevant emails or messages as evidence, if needed.
Seeking Support: When to Escalate
If the behavior persists, it may be necessary to involve supervisors or HR. This isn’t about tattling; it’s about maintaining a healthy work environment. If needed, don’t hesitate to utilize Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) which can offer confidential support and guidance.
Additionally, if the boundary-challenged individual is in a leadership position, the stakes are even higher. Leaders set the tone for workplace culture and behavior. It’s essential for organizations to ensure that their leaders are skilled not only in their job roles but also in managing relationships and respecting boundaries. Here are some possibilities to consider:
- If direct communication doesn’t work, schedule a meeting with your supervisor or HR to discuss the issue.
- Prepare specific examples to present during this meeting.
- Inquire about company policies on handling such situations.
- Encourage leadership training that includes modules on professional boundaries and workplace ethics.
The Bigger Picture
Remember, addressing such issues isn’t just about correcting one person’s behavior; it’s about ensuring that everyone, regardless of their position, understands and respects the boundaries that make for a harmonious and effective workplace. This is why proactive measures are always better than reactive ones. This includes clear communication of workplace policies, regular training on professional conduct, and creating an environment where employees feel comfortable discussing issues without fear of retribution. To achieve this, companies and employees should consider:
- Promoting a culture of open communication where employees feel safe to express concerns.
- Advocating for a system where feedback is regularly sought and acted upon.
- Supporting initiatives that focus on mental health and well-being, recognizing that personal issues can impact professional behavior.
- Suggesting regular training sessions on workplace conduct.
- Encouraging the HR department to regularly communicate and update the company’s code of conduct.
- Initiating team-building activities that foster respect and understanding among colleagues.
Navigating workplace boundaries requires a delicate balance of assertiveness, empathy and professionalism. By recognizing inappropriate behavior, communicating effectively, documenting incidents, involving HR when necessary, and setting a positive example, we can contribute to a healthier, more respectful workplace. Remember, a thriving work environment is not just the responsibility of the HR department or management; it’s a collective effort where each one of us plays a pivotal role.
