On Networking Versus Relationship Building: Are You Staying or Just Passing Through?

I recently met with a young woman at a café near my home. I had assumed the address she gave me to the coffee shop was correct. When I arrived at what turned out to be a residential home, I was confused, so I Googled the correct address and emailed her to let her know I’d be delayed. Not the best way to start a networking experience.

A mutual friend introduced me to the young woman, and when she contacted me to request a meeting, I was happy to oblige. Many people have generously helped me throughout my career, so I see these moments as my way of paying forward.

When we finally met, I found her to be a lovely person. What was meant to be an hour-long meeting extended into two. During our conversation, I shared some of the lessons I’ve learned throughout my career: the importance of self-awareness and understanding others, maintaining a sense of purpose, staying adaptable, and having the courage to take risks when necessary.

Toward the end of our meeting, she confided in me about a passion project she had been nurturing since high school, but was afraid to pursue. I encouraged her, saying, “Go for it! You’re 25. You have plenty of time to recover. If you don’t try, you’ll always wonder. Be like Nike — just do it!”

As we left, she walked me to my car and said she’d reach out again soon for a walk. I promised to send her information about the 5Ps framework, which I use to guide my professional decisions. Afterward, we exchanged a few emails, but our interactions eventually petered out.

Since then, I’ve seen her posting on LinkedIn, but neither she nor I have contacted each other or arranged to meet again. Sad as it was, our limited interactions exemplify the transactional nature of networking — brief and focused on expanding professional connections.

Networking vs. Relationship Building

Why do we build relationships with certain people, while only network with others? The distinction between networking and relationship building is akin to renting and buying. In product management, renting refers to “temporarily using external services, tools or resources, rather than developing them in-house or owning them.”¹ On the other hand, buying involves “building or acquiring something with the intention of long-term ownership.”²

Renting, which allows you to set up quickly with minimal upfront cost, is equivalent to networking, which enables you to expand your professional network through platforms like Linkedin, meetups or conferences in a short period. Networking is a low-pressure activity that doesn’t require emotional investment, trust or vulnerability. Consequently, it tends to be brief, transactional and focused on immediate needs — such as finding a job or clients. Renting and networking offer speed and flexibility, thus, providing short-term benefits for a limited cost.

But just as renting doesn’t allow for personalization or customization, networking operates only at a surface level and offers little opportunity to foster deeper understanding or meaningful connection. A classic example of networking would be attending a professional conference, meeting several people, exchanging business cards, and later following up with them via LinkedIn or email.

In contrast, buying — or building a relationship — involves deeper engagement and long-term commitment. It requires time and effort to develop and maintain relationships. Just as buying affords greater control, customization and ongoing benefits, relationship building offers long-term rewards like trust, collaboration and friendship. This makes the investment deeply fulfilling and worthwhile.

So, how do you know if someone is worth being a networking contact or a long-term connection? For me, it comes down to gut instinct, shared values and mutual interest. When I met that young woman, I quickly realized she would not evolve into a friend, but remain a networking acquaintance for several reasons: she and I were at different stages in our careers; we didn’t have enough in common to build a long-term relationship; and there wasn’t a mutual emotional connection.

Because relationship building requires time and commitment, it’s important to be selective about when and with whom to invest. When confronting this situation, I ask myself two fundamental questions:

Is there an emotional, intellectual or personal connection? A meaningful connection can arise from shared values, interests or goals. I’m more inclined to build relationships with those whose values, interests and goals align with mine. Additionally, some people naturally inspire trust, so we feel safe being vulnerable with them. These emotional, intellectual or personal connections provide the foundation of relationship building; they make us feel understood and valued, motivating us to seek a stronger bond.
Is there time and willingness to foster a relationship? Even if you want to build a relationship, you may not have the time or the energy to invest fully. Recognizing when you can or cannot fully commit is critical to setting realistic expectations for yourself and the other person.

Networking and relationship building serve different but equally important purposes. Networking, like renting, is quick and transactional; while relationship building, like buying, requires an upfront and ongoing investment. Both approaches have their unique value, and knowing when to prioritize one over the other can help you effectively navigate your personal and professional growth. While investing in relationships can be deeply rewarding, maintaining a well-managed network of transactional connections is also beneficial — as it offers quick access to resources and opportunities when needed.

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